


Snowflakes on my Windowpane

by Red Charade (traciller)



Series: Flash Tumblr Ficlets [38]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Coldflashweek2016, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, No Dialogue, Secret Relationship, sad!Barry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8781461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traciller/pseuds/Red%20Charade
Summary: Barry sits alone at night, contemplating the newly-discovered loss of Len when something unexpected happens.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post: http://dolkav.tumblr.com/post/154158235332/love-is-sitting-in-the-armchair-where-he-used-to

He’d gotten the call probably moments before Len had even left to go onto the Waverider in the first place. Barry didn’t know for sure, but he suspected, given how quick the call was. No real surprise, since he was probably half afraid Barry would try to talk him out of going. And maybe he would have tried, torn between the idea of Len realizing his own self-worth in a way he hadn’t ever done before but also wanting Len to be safe.

Alright, that would have been ridiculous. Since when did Leonard Snart ever play things completely safe? You can’t be a supervillain, or even an internationally notorious master thief, without taking some risks. But there was risky and then there was what Len was saving the future from an immortal tyrannical dictator. One that Barry himself had gone up against and nearly lost against. Did lose against, and had to change the timeline himself just so that he could save the city and everyone in it from being incinerated.

But, he hadn’t really known the details at the time. All Len had done was given him the bare rundown, because he had to go right away. And Barry was so proud of him, so hopeful, so sure things would be alright in the end somehow because…well they just had to be, right?

Except they weren’t. And nobody told him. Nobody told him until the alien invasion and everyone came back and Barry noted that Len was nowhere to be seen. Some part of Barry’s heart sank into the pit of his stomach, but he’d forced himself to push that feeling away, to remain optimistic. Maybe there was a good reason for this. Maybe Len had gone to make an impromptu visit with Lisa after having been so long without seeing her and with radio silence between them due to the logistics of being on a time traveling ship and rarely in the right time period, let alone time zone.

But when he’d finally worked up the nerve to ask…? Well…at least Ray looked genuinely sorry and stricken when he’d given Barry the news. Nobody knew, not even Ray, what Len and Barry had meant to each other. They’d been keeping it a secret for now. Well…maybe Lisa knew, and maybe Mick suspected. Barry wasn’t sure, but other than that? No way. So, Ray hadn’t known that he was telling Barry that his boyfriend had died. After only a quick goodbye, a promise to speak as soon as possible, and then…

Well, now Barry will never get to speak to him again, will he? He could go back in time, fix it, figure out a way to prevent Len’s death. But, for now he was ruling that out, doing his very best to keep himself from messing with the timeline again. Not only had he learned, repeatedly and at length, how badly even seemingly small changes to the timeline could screw it up for people that he loved, for himself even, for everyone, but…could he take away from Len that hero’s death? Was that fair? Would Len want that?

Once again, Barry didn’t know the right thing to do. But, he knew that he couldn’t just run off in his confusion and do whatever the hell he wanted to do just because he was hurting and missing his boyfriend. His boyfriend who’d died too soon. His boyfriend whom he hadn’t even had a chance to be with openly, yet.

He’d done his best after the news to keep his emotions in check, to focus on the task at hand, and he’d done a good job. Len was never far from his thoughts, but he knew Len would never want him to risk his own life or anyone else’s just because he was feeling sorry for himself or, possibly worse as far as Len is concerned, feeling anything remotely approaching the realm of ‘pity’ for Len.

And now in the days and weeks afterward, in the face of losing so much, including his father, and then on top of that losing his boyfriend (Len had been gone for how long and Barry hadn’t even known…it wasn’t his fault, he knew that, knew Len wouldn’t want him to blame himself, but he /did/). Well, people were starting to notice the change in Barry’s mood.

So far, they were all attributing it to things like Henry’s death, since…well he’d still never told anyone about his relationship with Len. It wasn’t that suddenly he no longer cared about his parents, his father, but…Len on top of that? Len at all. No. He just…everything was starting to weigh his heart down, his body down, his soul down.

When he’d first gotten his powers he’d been so excited. He’d thought he could help so many people, that these powers would be a good thing. And you know, he did. He did help a lot of people, and they were good, his powers. But…at what cost did that come? The Flash brought help and aid and hope. But he also brought disaster, trouble, and despair. And now it just felt like Barry was losing everything, his friends and his family and his life as he knew it. And now Len, too.

He supposed he should probably talk to someone. He hadn’t told anyone about Len, but maybe it was time he did? Or maybe he could start seeing a therapist, although the idea of that brought back memories of when he was a kid and how all of the many therapists he’d been to after his mother’s death and his father’s incarceration had tried to force-feed him lies about his father. They were well-meaning, but Barry had resented it, known what he’d seen was truth and that his father was innocent, and the idea of trusting a therapist again now almost made him want to vomit.

Besides, he’d have to tell them he was The Flash, otherwise he’d always be keeping some important and intertwining things from his therapist and that wouldn’t be good for therapy anyway.

There was Lisa, but that wasn’t fair. He’d gone to break the news to her since nobody has had and Mick was still unable to bring himself to do it himself. She was in mourning, too, and she didn’t need Barry’s pity party to make it worse. Especially since he wasn’t entirely sure she knew about he and Len, or to what extent if she did.

So, instead, tonight, a couple of days before Christmas, Barry was sitting alone by the fire in the chair Len had sat in just last Christmas himself. A Santa mug in his hand, from the same set that Len had taken the reindeer mug from that night which at once seemed so far away and yet just like yesterday.

You know, it’s actually Joe’s chair. Of course, all of the furniture is Joe’s and Barry hadn’t actually lived here for a little while now but was here over Christmas. This chair, though, had always just kind of unofficially been Joe’s chair. For years. Just one of those things, each person had their favorite piece of furniture and after a while it just kind of became known as theirs. That’s the way it was with this chair and Joe. Except…except ever since that Christmas when Len had shown up and had been sitting here when he’d surprised Barry and Iris to warn Barry of the threat that was coming, it had always seemed like Len’s chair.

Although, if Barry was being quite honest with himself, that was probably helped along by the fact that even afterward, at least until Len had left on the Waverider, Len had come to visit more often than just that one night and…well, let’s just say that there were definitely many, many good reasons why Barry felt so close to Len when he sat in this chair right now, quiet and contemplative, thinking about his lost love and not bothering to lift his hand to wipe away the stray trickle of a few tears that slipped down his cheeks unbidden.

So quiet and contemplative, in fact, that he almost didn’t notice that something curious was going on at the window until he heard the telltale sound of crackling frost and he turned to look, senses heightened for danger but finding none.

Nothing at all, in fact, except…except a rather large and obvious lightning design appearing on the window in ice crystals. While frost on the window in the dead of winter wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, especially given the amount of snow on the ground this week and a fresh coating of it just tonight, this was definitely not natural. Barry got up, set his cocoa with mini marshmallows aside on the nearby table, and slowly walked over to get a good look at what he was seeing.

A lightning design, like the one on his Flash suit, taking up an entire window panel, just finished forming as Barry approached. And as Barry looked closer, got down on his knees to properly examine, he noticed that the lightning design was made of tiny sharp-pointed snowflakes.

His eyes widened even further and his heart leapt into his throat, because…what? And he thought, for a moment, that maybe he saw someone outside in the darkness but he couldn’t be sure with the way the snow was swirling and it seemed like the shape out in the darkness was gone as soon as he blinked.

Still, despite his shock and confusion, the lightning design did some little bit to comfort him. He supposed he should be worried that it was some new threat, but he didn’t feel threatened.

Besides, it had at least worked to dry his tears for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Coldflash Week 2016.  
> Day 4: Meta Len.


End file.
